COPES Parent/Infant/Toddler Group
Program Manager:  Maria Vargas
203 748-4542, ext 304
COPES@danburychildadvocacy.org

COPES (Communication of Parent Effectiveness Skills) provides parenting information, advocacy, and skill development for parents with infants and toddlers. In this parent/infant/toddler model, the parents’ group and children’s group meet concurrently in an environment conducive to improving communication skills between parent and child. Weekly groups are offered in English and in Spanish with door to door transportation provided.

June

Two years ago, June was referred to COPES by her Parent Aide. June is a petite woman in her early thirties. She has four boys and a stepdaughter.  The children were all under the age of nine.   She was in the process of trying to gain full custody of her two older boys. The father was neglectful and unresponsive to the needs of the boys while they were in his care. Financially, he was unwilling to cooperate when they were in her care; June was not working at the time. Her current partner complained and refused to help with anything for the older boys. The constant battles, sleepless nights and every day demands of being a mom to young children had worn her out.

When she joined the group she needed transportation for herself and the two younger boys, Jack, thirteen months, and Sam, two and half. She was quiet and withdrawn.  Initially, she shared minimal information with the group; however, her consistent attendance demonstrated her commitment to the group. Her need for social interaction, compassion and concrete information was evident from her questions and comments.

Through the topics covered and the activities promoting group interaction and support, June has found a safe network of peers. The discussions covered normal child development, parent child communication,  positive self-esteem, stress management, money and time management, communication and community resources. COPES has empowered her to become a better parent.

When the two younger boys started the group, they would not leave her side. Some of the first sessions she spent between the parents' and children’s groups. After attending regularly for a few weeks, the boys began to remain in the children’s group. By the fifth month they would ask mom “When is school?”

After a presentation about the school readiness programs, June approached the speaker for additional information and within a few weeks Sam was enrolled. A presentation on the SAFE program provided an avenue for homework help for the two older boys.

As we started the new group year, June returned alone, not needing transportation and with lots of great news to share. Both Jack and Sam are attending the school readiness program. Jack, not yet three, was accepted on a trial basis. After a few weeks the teacher had praised his ability to remain in the group alone and follow routine. June attributes this success to the weekly attendance at “their COPES”. She and her partner have bought a house and she is training to become a bus driver.

June asked to remain with the group.  We agreed that she could continue without her children as she transitions to greater independence. In her words “This is my time to learn and have adult conversation.”

Anita

The following story is representative of many COPES families. This family is struggling to make ends meet with no support system in the Danbury area.

Anita, 26 and Jack, 42 have five children and live in a two-bedroom apartment. The children range in age from thirteen to two. Jack works long hours and Anita is a school bus driver. Anita leaves the house with the youngest two children; during her route, she meets another bus and transfers her special needs son.

Anita was referred to group by her Parent Aide but did not join group initially. A few months after the home visit and after weekly phone calls, Anita decided to try it.  When she joined group her youngest had special needs and her oldest from a previous relationship was out of control.

Since she began group, Anita has had another child. After four boys she was ecstatic to finally have a baby girl. Her oldest son now lives with his father. Her special needs child is in school. The changes in her family structure have alleviated much of her stress.

Through the topics covered and the activities promoting group cohesiveness, Anita found a much needed support network. The discussions covered child development, the importance of positive self-esteem, money and time management, and communication skills. She has applied much of what she learned in group.

Anita’s participation in discussions indicates her trust in the group. This was evident when she asked where she might find an inexpensive toddler bed. The group offered several excellent suggestions; the best solution was an exchange of beds among three different moms. Anita sought input from the group about dealing with her oldest child. She began to use suggestions from the group, and she returns to group with comments on how things are turning out. Anita treasures the COPES sessions and has confessed that the weekly group meetings help her make it through the week.